Glimpses of my Heart

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I will follow Jesus – no turning back. July 6, 2011

Filed under: My Journey with Jesus — oldfashionedatheart @ 1:52 am

In recent weeks my faith has been weak. I have doubted the Lord like I never have in my life. I have questioned His leading & been confused by things along the path during the last 3 years of my life. I have felt bitter, angry, and untrusting. It was terrifying. I begged the LORD not to let me turn my back on HIM. I was having a crisis of faith like I had never experienced nor do I hope to again!

God in HIS infinite mercy pulled me in close this past weekend. He spoke His faithfulness to me through the excerpt from “Who’s your Daddy?” that I shared in a previous post. He brought loving friends around me that showed their love and concern for me and began praying for me. He took my breath away when He lead me to page 189 of “Hinds Feet on High Places” by Hanna Hurnard (typed below). He gave me new fervor to follow Him through Sunday’s message by Pastor Trent and the video shown. He even included the singing of “I have decided to follow Jesus – no turning back, no turning back” in the worship service! Not only is this a special song to me but what had I previously begged Him? That’s right – to not let me turn my back on Him!

I am relieved to be back to the place of believing that HE will be faithful to me. I can trust Him. Don’t get me wrong, the thoughts of doubt still start to rear their ugly little heads but I quickly squelch them before they can say more.

p 189 Hinds Feet in High Places by Hannah Hurnard

“When you continue your journey there may be much mist and cloud. Perhaps it may even seem as though everything you have seen here of the High Places was just a dream, or the work of your own imagination. But you have seen reality and the mist which seems to swallow it up is the illusion.
Believe steadfastly in what you have seen. Even if the way up to the High Places appears to be obscured and you are led to doubt whether you are following the right path, remember the promise, “Thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, ‘This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand and when ye turn to the left.’ Always go forward along the path of obedience as far as you know it until I intervene, even if it seems to be leading you where you fear I could never mean you to go.
Remember, Much Afraid, what you have seen before the mist blotted it out. Never doubt that the High Places are there, towering up above you, and be quite sure that whatever happens I mean to bring you up there exactly as I have promised.”

Only the LORD could ever comprehend how perfectly this passage in the book was written for what I have experienced. Though the “mist and clouds” have settled over the path and I don’t see how HE is keeping His promises to me – HE IS! My precious times with HIM and the words HE spoke to me were not my imagination. I will believe. I am on the right path and He is leading me by the hand. Though I cannot see clearly – HE can.
There also could not have been a more perfect verse to be included with this as this is a very special passage between the Lord & I: Isaiah 30:21 (niv)

“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”

God is simply amazing. He is so detailed and intimately personal in His relationship with His children.

I will follow You Jesus. Thank you for hearing my cry and restoring my vision.

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3 Responses to “I will follow Jesus – no turning back.”

  1. Natalie Says:

    Jo-I’ve been going through a similar journey the past 3 years. Sometimes I wonder how what I can do to help my children avoid this or see themselves as they should before reaching their 30’s. I too feel like time has been wasted and I still am not at the place I truly should be. Although God can use this for good I don’t believe this struggle is necessary. Just wondering if there was some truth we were missing in our formative years or is it simply just part of the plan for us, a struggle that we must endure?

  2. Natalie Says:

    My last 3 years have been similar in struggle. I’ve been trying to figure out if there’s something to give to the children that will help them avoid this struggle or conquer it well before their mid-life. I just don’t see this as a necessary battle for everyone….

    • Natalie,
      Well it’s been forever since you posted this comment – but I am finally replying! I truly think everyone is going to go through times of struggle and doubt. I think a great remedy for that though is to keep a journaling of all the times God has brought us through – prayers He has answered, times He has revealed Himself in special ways to us, miraces He has done in our lives! When we struggle we need to go back and read them. We also need to tell those stories of God’s faithfullness to our children. We all too quickly (like the children of Israel) forget what mighty things the Lord has done. We forget that He sees the whole plan and that His ways are not our ways. The biggest lesson of the last couple years for me is having learned to trust God even when what I see with my physical eyes doesn’t make sense! The cool thing is, some of those things I was struggling with so much – that were causing my doubt, now I see how the Lord is beginning to put the pieces together before my eyes. It’s simply, I believe, knowing not just in our mind – but through experience that God is faithful and He can be trusted – period.


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